Don’t choose a care provider before you’ve read this.

I am talking about choosing the person who can truly guide you.

Who will be there for you when you need to be picked up from the floor. Someone who will listen to what you are not saying, who can guide you from one of the mountain to the other. Someone who is able to laugh and cry with you and at the same time not being afraid to point out your blind spots.

It keeps surprising me. My new sensitive clients who’ve already had many sessions with other psychologists, psychotherapists and other care providers and still didn’t achieve the long lasting results. Maybe a quick fix, but somehow still stuck in the cycle and it didn’t shift things deep within them in the long run.

Of course you will have a relapse once in a while, you ought to. That will also test your resilience and so allow you to see how far you’ve already come. If you are able to maintain your resilience, you can take on many challenges that come in life.

My sensitive clients from more conservative countries often tell me that they somehow felt ‘forced’ to visit a specific care provider (coaches, counselors, therapist) in the beginning. That’s because it was the person that they were assigned to. It pains me to hear that they stayed with them for so many precious years, because of the financial compensation or because they felt guilty about renouncing that person because of a power struggle. Some were ‘damaged’ by that specific care provider and now they put little trust in therapy because of all the consequences it had in their life.

If you are also experiencing that feeling right now, it’s a sign to make some changes and choose somebody else to guide you.

Yes, in the more conservative countries some teachers, medical doctors, and schools still hold an awkward powerful position. So the pressure on parents is enormous, depleting and can be damaging.

When I ask in depth why they didn’t try another caregiver or change their public care provider assigned, the answers are shocking to me yet understandable for a conservative culture.

Hierarchy and ranking are still very dominant in a conservative thinking culture.

Keep in mind that you fully have the right to visit several different candidates before you decide to work with them, and after that you can still change your mind. You are not assigned to them for life.

This isn’t an age where you are forced to look up to people just because they have a certain title, wear a white coat, or wrote a book (anyone can do that) or received a specific certification. All these certifications above are no guarantees that they are qualified to guide YOU. Just because someone has a certificate, doesn’t mean that these professionals are more emotionally intelligent, that they feel passion or motivation for their work, or that they have achieved it on their own or use other peoples work for their own success.

Therefore, I truly don’t understand why they are put on such a high pedestal.

I also get sensitive clients who first visited several care providers only because they were on an ‘approved’ list, are a member of a certain organization, or listed on a website. Even when the website clearly states that the initiators don’t know or recognize all the listed members personally. Which is absolutely understandable considering the amount of excellent work these initiators do in the world.

I URGE you to listen to your gut feeling. Also in public care you can change from one therapist to another. It is not about them. It is about your well being! I understand that if finances are a challenge it may give you the feeling of being powerless, but you don’t have to settle! You have the right to visit another care provider.

When you are ready to visit a professional, go to someone who also has some life experience in that field that you are seeking help for.

Maybe you don’t agree with me, but that is okay. It’s a process and a fairly new perspective that surely will change eventually in the conservative countries.

I personally deeply believe that you can only be a qualified professional when you also have the personal life experience in the field that you are guiding people no matter what kind of therapist you are.

I saw and experienced things from another perspective before I knew I was a highly sensitive empath. Before I was in the role of a professional teacher, a partner, a parent and a professional who works from social, emotional, cognitive and physical perspectives to guide people. With all the experience I’ve had and from what I know now, I will never act from the same perspective again. When I look back, I am ashamed that I advised in areas that I had no life experience with at the time. Now I understand better what is behind that specific feeling that my clients are sharing. I know the impact it has in their body and the reasons behind the behavior.

I recommend you to go to someone who has children of their own when you are seeking parental help. When you have relational questions, go to someone who also has positive experiences in that field. When your child has issues in education, go to someone who also has extensive personal and professional experience in education. Personal experience gives your care provider the ability to go to the core of the problem from many different perspectives and therefore they can truly understand and are able to help you.

Sometimes there can be even more than just one professional in your life. Every professional has different life experiences. Now it is just about picking the right one.

The one who can guide you and process TOGETHER with you in this moment in your life.

Those life experiences and having a true clique with your caregiver, are essential in being truly seen, heard, understood, accepted and ‘known’ for who you are.